Lump in my throat...

It's painful tonight. As I sat rocking my baby daughter to sleep you came to mind. It's been 3 months, huh, to the day actually. I miss your smile, I miss your stories, I miss your lovey bunny, I miss that connection we had. I know when your birthdays are, I know your cat's name, I know when your dog died. I remember your first day, your art project, your show and tell. I want to see your lego garage, your woodchip pie, your new dress. I want to chase you around the room and say "I'm gonna get you" until you collapse laughing. I want to soul dance with the scarves like you loved. "More, more, again" you'd say. I want to hold your hand while you show me your trick on the balance beam, I want to clap when you bring in your birthday treat. I wonder if your mom had her baby, are you a good sibling? I miss dancing to cd's with you, helping you with your "homework" and hearing about the mean girl at school. I want to play ring around the rosie because that was your favorite song and every time, I mean every single time you saw me you would ask "Wosie??" with outstretched arms. I want to call you by your nickname that I made up for you, baby peanut, libia, curly top, and Aubee. I also know your nickname your mom calls you. I know your grandma's name and where you get to go on vacation. I know you've learned to walk by now and that brings tears to my eyes. I'm thinking about you this time of year and hope you are ok. I want you to know that I believe in you and I was always listening even when you felt like no one cared. I want to see what you're going to be for Halloween and I want to know how your mom and dad are doing. I want to hear you speak, as I know you've got lots to say. Just because I'm not there doesn't mean I don't think about you. I do, every.....single......day. I dream that I can see you again. I want to play with you, I want to be the one who understands you when no one else has time. I want to calm you down when you throw a tantrum, because I remember what works for you. I want to do your hair in piggie tails while you tell me about your friends. I hate this. No one understands. I cannot turn my back and walk away. I cry for you and I miss you. You will all always be in my heart, I won't ever forget you.